Are We Passing Judgement With “Good Job?” There was an article published on Scholastic.com not too long ago about the long-standing benefits of random acts of kindness. It is worth the five minutes to read. Why? Well, you may just change your language approach as I have with my little ones; not a complete overhaul, just some adjustments to consider. Like many people, I have always been all about random acts of kindness and acknowledging them. It seriously makes my heart smile. But there are pieces that were missing from my acknowledgements; the action, the feeling and/or the why. Here is an example from a recent experience with my Minis: Tomilyn watched as Ellie dropped her baby on the ground. Tomilyn ran over to pick up Ellie’s baby and hand it to her. “Thank you, Tommie,” Ellie smiled. Tommie replied, “Welcome.” (That alone makes my heart skip a beat at the age of 2!) But rather than specifically acknowledging the behavior, I smiled and said, “Good job, Tommie.” I unknowingly may have passed judgement by saying that to be “good” she had to pick up something. That’s not what I was going for. I really wanted to reinforce the act of kindness so that it happens again, and again. To acknowledge the behavior that I noticed, all I had to do was tweak my language slightly. “Tommie, you just helped Ellie with her baby. Thank you!” or “Tommie, Ellie is smiling because you made her happy. You picked up her baby.” Think about it-we do this with ease when there is a squabble. “Ellie you just hurt Tommie’s feelings when you pushed her.” Ok, sometimes we may respond by saying, “Don’t push your sister!” but a more mindful response is typically one that includes the action and the why-as mentioned above. Making a purposeful change in responses to behaviors that removes the so-called judgement we inadvertently place on children could help increase the rate at which children understand what an act of kindness truly is. And kindness breeds more kindness! “Recent research shows that kindness counts in more ways than the obvious growth of morality. We are not meant to be completely independent or dependent, but to give and receive in mutual interdependence. Random acts of kindness —and regular acts of courtesy — foster the development of the higher centers of our brain. From these higher centers, our children grow to be readers, writers, scientists, artists, and mathematicians, exploring the wonders of the world.” ~Scholastic.com With love, Christy Lynn Giving It a Try...
Avoid Judgment Phrases Such As (or at least add to them): Good job, way to go, I like what you are doing, don’t do that, that is naughty Replace with Acknowledging What You Notice: When you notice an act of kindness in your home or classroom, acknowledge it by including the action, feeling and/or why. It may be more challenging than you first thought, but don’t give up. The lasting effects can be worth the transition. Bella, you used kind words when asking for help. Joseph, you are patiently waiting in line for lunch. You are helping to keep others calm. This is by no means a suggestion to completely retire the (sometimes automatic) “Awesome work!” or “Way to Go!” phrases, but rather to balance them with simple and clear acknowledgements of feelings they produced as a result of their kind behavior. Let us know how this mindful approach to noticing behaviors goes for you!
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pos-ture Noun
It is mid-March and WOW are things ramping up at home and in the classroom. Talk about cabin fever!! I don’t blame them, as I think we are all feeling the need for sunshine, warmth and outdoor activity. Movement and exercise is essential to a healthy mind space. Fresh outdoor air is a natural relaxant for many of us, too. It is no wonder that those of us in the chilly U.S. are feeling the restless winter blues. If your home or classroom is anything like mine, you can feel the energy that is wound so tightly in the little bodies of our loved ones. They are ready to run free...but the weather just hasn’t quite cooperated for that yet. Rather we feel the energy level tides rise up high. And with all of that energy, despite the songs, dances, jumping jacks and mindful practices that we do, there is still so much zest that is left flowing; often uncontrollably. Because of this, it can come out sideways. Behaviors that are not typical for your kiddos will start to rear their ugly heads. As the teacher or parent mixed into the chaos, you may find yourself extinguishing mini fires all over the place due to these heightened emotions. Today was that day for me. Both at home and in the classroom. This is the day that I had to engage my best “POWER POSTURE.” The talking was continuous, the bodies were energized, and the self-help skills were MIA. Maybe your challenging day was yesterday or maybe it will come tomorrow. Whenever it is, know that there is help. And that help lies inside of you. It is your posture. This posture is two-fold. It is in the way that you physically hold your body while standing or sitting, how you carry yourself. It is also in how you approach or deal with a situation. Combine the two in a mindful way and you can survive without losing it! (I can speak from experience! haha) Tips to engage Power Posture on challenging days: Physical Posture: *stand upright *shoulders back, chin up *smile Posture of the Mind: *step away from the situation to avoid a knee-jerk reaction *take a few deep belly breaths and lengthen the exhale upon release *accept that this stressful moment is just that-a moment that can be released *reflect on how you’ve responded to such behaviors in the past and apply what you learned. Once your Power Posture is engaged, you can take on anything--even a roomful of energetic bunnies rustling around! And remember...this too shall pass. Stand tall, speak strong (yet calm) and be a role model for a mindful, caring response to a stressful situation. xo, Christy Lynn Questions To Sit With for a Moment: How many times a day do you interact with your personal handheld device? Think about how many of those times are observed by your children. Are the number of times eerily close? Mine sure can be...especially when unstructured and traveling. Often, an adult's response to boredom is to grab the closest handheld device and get lost in the world at our fingertips. What is it that we are inadvertantly teaching our children then? Warm sunshine, new experiences, new environments...and technology. Last week I took the wild plunge to travel alone with my minis (2 year old twins) from New York to my parent’s home in Florida. Our flight travel time was easily 8 hours each way. With many hours of potential boredom, I have no shame in saying that you are darn right that technology saved my sanity while traveling!! Their Kindles became their BFFs in the airports and on the airplanes. Did we take breaks? Of course. But they ate up every minute while on them. As did I (music, reading and social media). It was like a day full of all the sweetest candy that you could imagine. Handheld screen time was also flowing during periodic quiet times at Mimi & Papa’s house. And then came sleeping in a new place. Despite pooling all of the ingredients for the "perfect" restful sleep (sunshine, daytime swimming, playground, Disney World, evening walks and evening swims, bedtime stories…), the recipe didn’t go as planned. Their mini minds were wide awake when their heads hit the pillow. This engaged “Go to Sleep” Plan B with head rubs, back rubs and singing. The ladies remained wide-eyed and bushy tailed. Reluctantly, I buckled under tired pressure and out came the Kindles as Plan C. They used them until they fell asleep. A great decision? Umm...no. But in the moment, a mom’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. After the much needed Vitamin D and “familyfix” getaway, we returned to daily life here in NY. We tried to return to the established limitations on technology, but a hard lesson was learned. It was going to take twice as much work to return their expectations and understanding back to the 20 minutes (maybe) a day of handheld screen time. If experiences at home aren’t meeting their stimulation needs, out cries, “Mama, can I have a Kindle?” I expected this and honestly thought that it would just be at home battles to work through. However, a scarier societal habit found comfort in their minds. They learned to use their handheld devices just as we do as adults; as a tool in response to boredom. This has led to a whole new level of impulsive demands in public. Once I realized what was happening, I took a deep breath and accepted that the habit breaking must start with me, and then they can follow. The three of us built this vacation habit together so we must break it down together. True, they are only two. But I believe that their level of understanding is much more than we can imagine which means leading by example. I will have to be more conscious about when and why my personal technology makes an appearance, which will hopefully (insert finger crossing here!!) help their bored desires transition from being technogically reactive to being more peaceful. With Love, Christy Lynn A Few Ideas for Purposeful Technology Use (On Vacation or At Home)
~Learn to Classify Technology Time Like Centers in a Classroom~ *Literacy Time: Kids-ABC/phonics games, eBooks Adults-puzzles, eBooks (have I mentioned that the minis know almost every letter and most sounds? That’s right and they are two. I attribute some of the success to technology’s ability to reinforce parent/caretaker taught skills) *Math Time: Kids-numeracy apps and games Adults-financial/bill paying *Art/Creative Sharing Time: Kids-look at family photos & videos, drawing apps Adults-social media, creative apps *Music & Dance Time: Kids & Adults-find new artists to enjoy together and let the music flow *Free Choice Time: Kids & Adults-limited free choice time |
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I'm obsessed. This is fabulous. LOVE that you are doing this. The new way of being a student forces us to think outside the box and approach how we teach more dynamically. ~Derek, Father of 2 and Elementary School Principal
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